Sunday, 12 January 2014

My Hopes & Thoughts for 2014

Good Morning All

Now I am aware it is already the 12th January so this post is probably a little on the late side. I have not though had much chance to sit & write it before now. Plus I also wanted to visit my GP earlier this week so i could add any updates to this.

I for one am glad to have said goodbye to 2013. Whilst it was not dreadful on too big a scale, I cannot say there was much to celebrate from it either. A rather dismal year for many people including our own family. For me personally it was the non movement with regards to my own health. Although actually I have never felt better since my Illeostomy, I am meaning the constant back & forth between my consultant & surgeon with no real sign of anything let alone surgery. With Depression rearing its ugly head later in the year ( it was probably there a while tbh but as with most people who suffer with this terrible illness - yes IT IS an illness- it can take a while to admit it to yourself. Even longer at times to seek the help you need. Whilst I am very good at now seeing the signs for the depression to return it is still quite easy to pretend it is not happening also.

Thankfully i will say the last few weeks of December were mostly happy. The happy pills were obviously doing their trick & my whole self begun to see all this stoma business with the positivity I should have had in the beginning. By getting myself out & about more  I seem to have been able to pull myself out of that very dark place I was in & into a much brighter light. It is not that I was not doing anything before but that maybe the things I was doing were not the right things to occupy my mind. I can't tell you the last time I cried ( crying at the Boyzone concert during the Stephen tribute & at sad bits in films does not count) when not long ago I probably cried on a daily basis. It is nice to be free from that even if it may be for a short time only. Of course I have had much help from Rob as well as various friends. I could not have got through it without them.
 Christmas was lovely & busy ( well sort of busy. Enough to never be bored but still plenty of time to have quiet moments.) Finley at 3 was captivated by Christmas this year so whilst 11 year old Brad still believes right now I think before long Finley will be our sole piece of Festive spirit. Nothing like your kids faces on Xmas morning when they see that HE has been!Actually considering what Father Christmas brought me this year I was quite excited too!

So, here we are in 2014. I cannot say at this stage what the year may or may not bring. I hope a better one for everyone.
I saw my GP on Tuesday for an update. He was really happy with the improvements since I 1st went to him in September. It was so nice to sit there & say things that were all positive. We were even sitting there laughing & joking over my hospital situation. I loved that. I know that I will possibly have low points again in the future, I don't think anyone who has had depression ever truly gets over it. It is there with you forever in some small way so even if it never gets that dark again, there is still that corner of you that it hides in. Then again I think it does not hurt to remember how bad things can be as it makes you so much more understanding of others around you because you know just how terrible it can be. I hope never to be as bad again but who knows what the future holds on that score?

I am loving my new positive attitude. I don't think I have ever had one before. sad to say I have always been a little bit on the "glass is half empty" side of the fence. Nice then to be seeing it as half full. Long may it continue.

We are hoping to have a nice family holiday in the sun this year. The boys have never flown - well Brad flew with us to Scotland in 2005 for our wedding but that was a disaster so am hoping 8 years down the line it will go better- not because he was scared but just because he had a bad cough before we went & once in the air he started a coughing fit which resulted in him being a tiny bit sick & it took him a while to forget this so we have always holidayed with him within the UK - so we thought maybe a quick flight to Spain or similar might be just what we need. Is it wrong that I am planning my wardrobe now even though nothing is even booked & it won't be until the Summer hols??

The boys will both start new schools this year. Brad into secondary & Finley off to Primary. Very big year for both of them. Growing way too quickly for my liking.

Maybe with the boys both at school I can look for a job that would be perfect for me? With big doubts over surgery I can maybe begin to plan the future a little better.

I am hoping it is a good year for Rob too. The work is most definitely there right now - the only upside to this crappy weather - so hopefully the bank account can start to reflect the hard, hard work he is always putting in. I have been very lucky in my choice of partner. hardworking

Lastly positive vibes for family & friends. Last year was a tough one for many of them so my biggest hugs ever for them.

Thank you if you have read this post. I am known for my rambles so I have no idea if any of this made sense or was in any particular right order. 

Here is to a great 2014 for all of you
Amanda x

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you pointed out that depression is an illness, some people think it's one of the things most of us imagine......yes I'd like to imagine feeling so crap - and fingers crossed for your holiday in the sun